|
|
Post by Andrew 08334 on Sept 10, 2012 19:10:32 GMT 12
Molly the Camel
A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in The Afghanistan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he
Noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
The nervous sergeant said, 'Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men Here on the post and no women. And, sir, sometimes the men have 'urges'.
That's why we have Molly The Camel.'
The Captain says, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay .'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting
a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.
When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'
'No, not really, sir. They usually just ride the camel into town......where the girls are.'
|
|
|
|
Post by Andrew 08334 on Sept 16, 2012 21:40:00 GMT 12
YOU HAVE TO LOVE A GOOD NURSE
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs .
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon from the nurse in the landrover you booked for speeding last week."
Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?
|
|
|
|
Post by Andrew 08334 on Sept 19, 2012 15:51:12 GMT 12
There's just no way you can listen to this without laughing. This man should have been a sports commentator. Oh, this is great. Voice mail Accident Hilarious. Click to listen. |
|
|
|
Post by Andrew 08334 on Sept 21, 2012 9:55:14 GMT 12
Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat. He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.''
She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.'
I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'
Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.
'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..!
She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'
Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'
Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike.
She said, 'Here honey, you try on mine !
Mike did and said, 'I can't get into your panties.'
Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'
|
|
|
|
Post by Andrew 08334 on Sept 23, 2012 20:10:14 GMT 12
ZEN TEACHINGS
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is
narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't
getting any.
3. No one is listening.. until you fart.
4. Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet..
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing
a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, if they get angry, you're a mile
away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone twenty pounds, and then never see them again, then it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time..
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women..
Neither one works.
17. Never give an ecstasy pill to a guide dog.
18. Experience is something you don't get, until just after you need
it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our backside .... then things just keep getting worse.
20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips
are moving.
21. Never, ever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
|
|
